When I thought I was supposed to have a rest for a few days I found myself in other situation, and got scared and at the same time a strenght here to face it up and make me stronger again. Didn´t have much time to think about what to do. My mother was already at the hospital, my soul like gray clouds and some voices like angels asking me to provide her with all my efforts no matter what...
After doctor said there was a possibility of losing the right leg cause of diabets in high rate and the disease I realized how long I was afraid of listening to him speaking to me , looking at my eyes so frank and so confident about the diagnosis. Now,my mom, the one who was in charge of managing the sales in the firm is sick, at the hospital, she has all the knowledge of more than twenty three years about plants, each flower, each leaf, each client, and other things I was watching and no time to learn the things, just a little part of this long book. Ok, I´ll have to find a way to solve it, I´ll have to talk to dad again as always, and I trust the sky to support us , and help us to get the right way to take a position, but not like those situations when you make a complete spin, and then, you don´t know what you´re doing and where you are .
Some days ago, someone special in my life told me if I didn´t want to have my own business. I thought about it once, but asked him what the point he was trying to get to. And I could see that despite the time , he got the life I had, and the way I am. And the most important thing, he wanted me the good, the best, just because once you like someone very much, you wish it.
Oh, God..... I never had to go towards money, it always came to me, with work, always doing what I thought I must have to do in order to help my parents, when I was married , my ex husband, and now..... What I´m supposed to do...
I´ll ask the time and you to give me knowledge enough to get the best decision. I don´t wanna feel myself so selfish, but I have to be happy, I need it so much. I miss so many things such as talking to someone in English, the students, the time I quit everything and decided to change my career and my life at all. And I made it. Will I have to do it again?
And what am I supposed to do with this soul of an artist some people told me? I wish deep in my heart I could develop it in some work, and say to myself with loud voice....* It makes sense, and I´m so happy ! *.
Everytime I sing, I make gestures with my hands with movements of serene dance, when I write right like this moment,when I draw and concentrate my mind and have inspiration, I say to myself, .... *it makes sense*.
Money, brought me the instruments to make life worthy. Life made the money just a peace of paper to manage the situation, not to have power and feel myself a big person.
I apologize for being so out of the real world.
Will you help me again?.....
Please, once again, I let my life in your hands...... I love you so much , and trust you so much,Dad ! Reach out the hands to me, please? Stay by my side...
YOSHIE
jun4th,2002 |
